PUKED LIKE I WAS DYING
This is a parody of Tim McGraw's song "Live Like You Were Dying."
(Warning: Explicit Lyrics)

 

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"Puked Like I Was Dying" Lyrics
By Kevin Sage

 

I’m in my early 30’s
And I used to like to party
But now I’m all grown up.
I don’t act like I’m nineteen.
But then I got that little invite,
To the office party tonight.
A reward for all our work, a chance to blow off steam.
An open bar and free food
Karaoke to complete the mood
And they watched me get all drunk and then pass out.
And what’d they do…
They wrote

I’m a dickhead
Right across my forehead
And they drew some fake eyelashes
And a big ole fu Manchu.
And I can’t believe this
But they drew a bright red penis
On my cheek, as I took a leak
Where I was laying.
Then I grabbed the closest container I could find.
And puked like I was dyin’.

And now I look like Braveheart
Still waitin for it to wear off.
In the dark they all grabbed sharpies, instead of dry erase.
The whole company was a witness
While those artistic sons of bitches
Played a game of Pictionary on my face.
Now the office all remembers me
As the guy who puked in the kitchen sink
And heckled karaokers at the mike
Just the ones I didn’t like.

And now I’m a dickhead
Says so on my forehead
And I got these fake eyelashes
And a big ass fu Manchu.
Hey, can you see this?
It’s a, it’s a bright red penis
On my cheek—yeah, I took a leak
And I ain’t denyin.
Can you just hand me that shredder over there?
I’m gonna puke like I’m dyin’

And tomorrow’s gonna suck. It will feel like eternity
To think about why I did all this?
Why did I do all this? I think I’m gonna get sick. I think I’m gonna get sick—bluuurupp!
Oh god,

I’m a dickhead
Just look here on my forehead
And my Tammy Faye eyelashes
and my big ass fu Manchu.
Oh I look ridiculous
With a, a bright red penus
On my cheek, hey, somethin’ stinks.
Why you all cryin?
Stop laughing and hand me the flower pot right there.
I gotta puke like I’m a dyin’
So I puked like I was dyin’
Come on, stop messing with me.
Screw you! What? Yeah, take my picture!
I'm fine. Just one more. Just a second--
(Puke) Sorry. Is that pineapple?

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